Parental Worries Pillows

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

Polly, want a cracker, but Polly need a glass of wine.

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

'Oh, for heaven's sake. Ethan's having another growth spurt.'

'I don't worry about anything. My Mom does all the worrying for me.'

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

"Phew! It's only Saturday night fever."

A Victorian park.

'I don't mind them, but I would like to see my daughter getting married to one of them!'

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

"Should we raise him to succeed by nurturing him, or neglect him so severely that he finds success as a megalomaniacal sociopath?"

"Little Jimmy's at the difficult age where he's grown up."

'Mom's really nervous because I've been good for too long.'

Parent-Teacher Conferences: 'The bad news is your son failed every test I gave this term. The good news is that we know he's not abusing any mind-expanding drugs.'

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'

"We hate being stuck indoors because of seasonal allergies, so it's a relief when we can blame it on a dangerous fugitive."

What's the latest on the school cyber-spying on students? Did the webcams show kids doing, um, bad stuff? What do you think? Slam! Maybe we could use a webcam! Personally? I'd rather not know what our kids are doing!

Father afraid of daughters VAT inspector boyfriend

Uncertain Future

The Anxious School Drop Off

"Mom, is this lunch supplying me with the recommended daily allowance of microplastics?"

I have two teenagers that text!

'I'm worried he might be dyslexic!'

"I just hope that's not our babysitter..."

School Lunches and Childhood Obesity.