Parental Worries Pillows

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

'I don't worry about anything. My Mom does all the worrying for me.'

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

"Phew! It's only Saturday night fever."

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

A Victorian park.

'I don't mind them, but I would like to see my daughter getting married to one of them!'

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

'Mom's really nervous because I've been good for too long.'

"Should we raise him to succeed by nurturing him, or neglect him so severely that he finds success as a megalomaniacal sociopath?"

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

"Little Jimmy's at the difficult age where he's grown up."

Parent-Teacher Conferences: 'The bad news is your son failed every test I gave this term. The good news is that we know he's not abusing any mind-expanding drugs.'

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'

I have two teenagers that text!

Uncertain Future

"Mom, is this lunch supplying me with the recommended daily allowance of microplastics?"

Father afraid of daughters VAT inspector boyfriend

The Anxious School Drop Off

"We hate being stuck indoors because of seasonal allergies, so it's a relief when we can blame it on a dangerous fugitive."

'I'm worried he might be dyslexic!'

"I just hope that's not our babysitter..."

School Lunches and Childhood Obesity.

Baby's head pops off.