Parental Skeptic Pillows

'Why should I believe you about the Birds and the Bees? You lied to me about the Tooth Fairy.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

'It's nice to go hiking together. It gives us a chance to compare notes and figure out what the kids are plotting!'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

Library. Story Hour. This fact-checking site says no cow has ever jumped over the moon.

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

Quiz Today. I don't remember clicking of any terms of agreement that cover this!

'I've had raging hormones for the last 80 years.'

"My teacher says I lack 'intellectual curiosity,' whatever that is."

They all have to get down the slide in 2.7 seconds or we lose our funding. In schools soon: The recess aptitude test.

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

Knife splits newly weds on wedding cake

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

'He's starting to ask what sushi is.'

Fish "I hate going back to school"

"It's not the captivity – I'm just not sure if I'm ready to have kids."

Actually, College Tuition Does Pay

"What did I learn in school today? - Frankly, Mom, you're better off not knowing."

Annoy Your Parents! You've done it for real. Now, play the video game!

'Son, you need to get your priorities wrong.'

REPORT CARD, 'Maybe it got garbled in transmission.'

"The baby's nice, but it's not the narcissistic rush I thought it would be."