Parental Skeptic Pillows

'Why should I believe you about the Birds and the Bees? You lied to me about the Tooth Fairy.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

'It's nice to go hiking together. It gives us a chance to compare notes and figure out what the kids are plotting!'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

"My teacher says I lack 'intellectual curiosity,' whatever that is."

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

'I've had raging hormones for the last 80 years.'

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

Knife splits newly weds on wedding cake

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

Fish "I hate going back to school"

"It's not the captivity – I'm just not sure if I'm ready to have kids."

'Son, you need to get your priorities wrong.'

Annoy Your Parents! You've done it for real. Now, play the video game!

"What did I learn in school today? - Frankly, Mom, you're better off not knowing."

"I know this sounds corny, Bob, but for me, the true measure of success is when I can look at the man in the mirror each day and still find a way to blame my parents for everything wrong in my life!"

"The baby's nice, but it's not the narcissistic rush I thought it would be."

REPORT CARD, 'Maybe it got garbled in transmission.'