School-day Skeptic Pillows

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

Open House of Horrors

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

"I don't really believe in the tooth fairy anymore, but if it pays, I play!"

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

"Oh yes, I've got the whole business computerised now"

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

"My teacher says I lack 'intellectual curiosity,' whatever that is."

'You don't really want to go to this party, do you?'

Fish "I hate going back to school"

'I can't see any future in my business.'

"What did I learn in school today? - Frankly, Mom, you're better off not knowing."

"I wonder if we'll still have to eat kale this summer."

"We didn't learn anything today. We had to unlearn what the substitute taught us yesterday."

'It's so cruel the way they break it to you, Not, 'school starts tomorrow', but 'tonight's a school night','

REPORT CARD, 'Maybe it got garbled in transmission.'