School-day Skeptic Pillows

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

Open House of Horrors

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

Library. Story Hour. This fact-checking site says no cow has ever jumped over the moon.

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

"I don't really believe in the tooth fairy anymore, but if it pays, I play!"

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

"Oh yes, I've got the whole business computerised now"

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

"My teacher says I lack 'intellectual curiosity,' whatever that is."

Quiz Today. I don't remember clicking of any terms of agreement that cover this!

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

'You don't really want to go to this party, do you?'

Fish "I hate going back to school"

Actually, College Tuition Does Pay

"We didn't learn anything today. We had to unlearn what the substitute taught us yesterday."

"I wonder if we'll still have to eat kale this summer."

'I can't see any future in my business.'

"What did I learn in school today? - Frankly, Mom, you're better off not knowing."

'It's so cruel the way they break it to you, Not, 'school starts tomorrow', but 'tonight's a school night','