Learning Skeptic Pillows

"We didn't learn anything today. We had to unlearn what the substitute taught us yesterday."

Open House of Horrors

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

"I don't really believe in the tooth fairy anymore, but if it pays, I play!"

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

"Oh yes, I've got the whole business computerised now"

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

'I blame the internet.'

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

'You don't really want to go to this party, do you?'

Fish "I hate going back to school"

'I can't see any future in my business.'

"What did I learn in school today? - Frankly, Mom, you're better off not knowing."

"My religion makes sense if you want it to."

"First, I'll need to see an audited statement of revenue and expenses."

'I've traveled back in time to warn you...in the future you'll be charged a fee to watch television AND the commercials, you'll need a computer to hear music, and morons roam the streets with tiny phones they talk extremely loud into!'

"The Man Who Knew Enough"