Parenting Conundrum Collector Gifts

"My five-year-old would never do that."

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

Polly, want a cracker, but Polly need a glass of wine.

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

The relay race

The mating call of the Yellow-Throated Warbler,

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

Oops.

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

'That's enough Rusty.'

'I'm not giving you a lift. If you want to run away from home, run.'

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

"I couldn't find a sitter."

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

Man emerges from baby changing room, having changed his baby for a crate of beer.

'Oh, for heaven's sake. Ethan's having another growth spurt.'

'I appreciate your memo calling for more tolerant and forgiving parents. Now, what did you do this time?'

'It's a model to study stress...these mice all have long commutes, dead end jobs and out of control kids.'

Nappy Hour 2-3.

A couple leaves their child at a "Child Check" counter before entering a fancy restaurant.

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."

"Let me know when those two kids cross the street start crying."

"I'm confused....you always say not to take candy from strangers, but tonight you tell me to go to strangers and ask for candy!"

"What did I learn in school today? How should I know?"

'Just wait till your husband gets home!'

"Should we raise him to succeed by nurturing him, or neglect him so severely that he finds success as a megalomaniacal sociopath?"

"Stop calling him 'Whathisname', he's been our son for 10 years!"

"I don't need your business advice. You're my dad. Your job is to parent."