Parenting Advice Collector Gifts

"I'm confused....you always say not to take candy from strangers, but tonight you tell me to go to strangers and ask for candy!"

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

'He never listened to his mother!'

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'Except...That.'

"His room is always clean. Do you think we should take him to a psychologist?"

"Go ask your mother."

"Whoa, whoa, big guy with all your ‘meaning of life’ mumbo jumbo—I just want my kid to pick up her room."

'I don't mind them, but I would like to see my daughter getting married to one of them!'

A Victorian park.

"One last question, where's its mute button?"

"Let me know when those two kids cross the street start crying."

"If it's important to you, Jessica. It's important to daddy, but I don't think it's important to you."

"What did I learn in school today? How should I know?"

'Just wait till your husband gets home!'

"My five-year-old would never do that."

'Son it's time to talk birds and bees; birds and bees have never successfully mated. And that's all you need to know about interspecies sex.'

"Mother, I get enough pressure from my peer group without getting it from you."

"It's summer, go outside and play."

‘Sat too close to the TV;’ ‘Stared at the Sun For an Hour,’ ‘Put Out My Eye With a BB Gun.’

'You gotta try different things! Sometimes a temper tantrum works best an' somethimes sulking an' sometimes not eating!'

'Come on Timmy, you must eat your greens.'

'Mum,are we born from an egg?' 'No honey. People bring us at night'

'Now that I'm old enough to watch these TV shows without parental supervision, they don't interest me.'

"I've said it until I'm blue in the face - keep sitting on walls and something bad's going to happen. But what do I know? I'm just your mother."

'You won't understand it now, but when you have kids, you'll wish for a longer school day.'

'First the birth canal, and now preschool! Where does this all end?'

"Look, Alice, if you're unhappy with your life, just do what I do: whisper you wants and needs into a cloth napkin, then crumple it up and put it in your lap."

'You did a great job explaining the 'birds and bees.' Try your hand at the 'empty nest.''

'Don't you realize, Jason, that when you throw furniture out of the window and tie your sister to a tree, you make Mommy and Daddy very sad.'