Parental Advice Lover Gifts

Put on some clothes. You'll catch your death! Do you know what time it is? You're so skinny, are you eating? Let me make you a sandwich! Mamarazzi.

'You did a great job explaining the 'birds and bees.' Try your hand at the 'empty nest.''

"Be afraid to try new things!"

'He never listened to his mother!'

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'I'm not sure if it's the programs or the commercials, but one is supposed to be a lot worse than the other.'

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

Son, it's time you grew some legs and moved out.

'My mom just explained babies to me. I'm not sure, but I think I'm a bird and you're a bee.'

"Go ask your mother."

'Mother knows best, Dear, so stop rolling your eyes.'

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."

'Said once, and never again!'

"And I suppose if your friends all jumped off a cliff you'd follow right along?"

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

"Don't make me come over there."

"Sorry, son. . . You're not getting the keys to the car until you show me you're mature enough to bring it back completely totaled."

"If it's important to you, Jessica. It's important to daddy, but I don't think it's important to you."

'I don't mind them, but I would like to see my daughter getting married to one of them!'

A Victorian park.

"I'm confused....you always say not to take candy from strangers, but tonight you tell me to go to strangers and ask for candy!"

"Oi you two! What going on in here?"

"Oh yeah... well I say my kid is better at math and social studies than your kid!"

"No thanks! My dad said those things will kill you!"

$200,000 to raise a kid in America! Do you regret the expense? Of course not, sweetie! You're worth every cent. That's a relief. Because I need $20 for the movies!

‘Sat too close to the TV;’ ‘Stared at the Sun For an Hour,’ ‘Put Out My Eye With a BB Gun.’

"I don't have a story, Tommy. I can offer a retrospective of your day, followed by a deep-dive to identify opportunities for improvement."

"Baldo, school has always been about learning, expanding your mind, becoming a better person."

'Why can't you try to be more like me?'

'People must be crazy to pay to hear a lecture! I get 'em free at home every day!'

'Come on Timmy, you must eat your greens.'

Parents for dummies.

'Mum,are we born from an egg?' 'No honey. People bring us at night'