Parenting Wisdom Lover Gifts

'My parents may call it 'tough love', but I call it just plain punishment!'

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

"Baldo, credit cards are a terrible idea! Take it from someone who has 10 of 'em."

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'Don't be silly, dear. You don't look a day over one hundred eighty three.'

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

"His room is always clean. Do you think we should take him to a psychologist?"

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'We're not paprazzi. We're your parents.'

"Go ask your mother."

Two breasts: No waiting

'Said once, and never again!'

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."

Garbage is a collector's item.

"Don't make me come over there."

"If it's important to you, Jessica. It's important to daddy, but I don't think it's important to you."

"I tried shutting my mouth and opening my mind, but then I remembered it's better to give than to receive."

'Think about this, Kid...If I knew the meaning of life, would I be spending mine, sitting on the top of a mountain?'

'Your phone isn't wireless, Dad. I found some wires in it right here.'

Ancient Secrets to a Happy Life

I should have listened to my Mum: 'Never sit down during the hunting season...'

$200,000 to raise a kid in America! Do you regret the expense? Of course not, sweetie! You're worth every cent. That's a relief. Because I need $20 for the movies!

"If you have a boyfriend, I have some advice, young lady! Wisdom that's been handed down from generation to generation!"

"It's summer, go outside and play."

'I don't know what's wrong with me. It's gotten so I can't tell the difference between the Truth and a truism anymore!'

"The secret of my long life is coffee....how did you guess?"

'It's a little read book... the sayings of charwoman mum.'

"I don't have a story, Tommy. I can offer a retrospective of your day, followed by a deep-dive to identify opportunities for improvement."

"Baldo, school has always been about learning, expanding your mind, becoming a better person."

"This time you can start over without the hubris of youth."

'People must be crazy to pay to hear a lecture! I get 'em free at home every day!'

'Keep your eye upon the hole -- and not upon the donut.'

'I know life is a funny thing, but is it funny ha-ha or funny peculiar?'