Parenting Wisdom Lover Gifts

'My parents may call it 'tough love', but I call it just plain punishment!'

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

"Baldo, credit cards are a terrible idea! Take it from someone who has 10 of 'em."

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

'Don't be silly, dear. You don't look a day over one hundred eighty three.'

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

"His room is always clean. Do you think we should take him to a psychologist?"

'We're not paprazzi. We're your parents.'

"Go ask your mother."

Two breasts: No waiting

Garbage is a collector's item.

"Don't make me come over there."

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."

'Said once, and never again!'

"If it's important to you, Jessica. It's important to daddy, but I don't think it's important to you."

'Think about this, Kid...If I knew the meaning of life, would I be spending mine, sitting on the top of a mountain?'

"I tried shutting my mouth and opening my mind, but then I remembered it's better to give than to receive."

'Your phone isn't wireless, Dad. I found some wires in it right here.'

'I don't know what's wrong with me. It's gotten so I can't tell the difference between the Truth and a truism anymore!'

"The secret of my long life is coffee....how did you guess?"

I should have listened to my Mum: 'Never sit down during the hunting season...'

"If you have a boyfriend, I have some advice, young lady! Wisdom that's been handed down from generation to generation!"

Ancient Secrets to a Happy Life

"It's summer, go outside and play."

'It's a little read book... the sayings of charwoman mum.'

"I don't have a story, Tommy. I can offer a retrospective of your day, followed by a deep-dive to identify opportunities for improvement."

"Baldo, school has always been about learning, expanding your mind, becoming a better person."

"This time you can start over without the hubris of youth."

'Keep your eye upon the hole -- and not upon the donut.'

Parents for dummies.

'I know life is a funny thing, but is it funny ha-ha or funny peculiar?'

'People must be crazy to pay to hear a lecture! I get 'em free at home every day!'