Witty Wisdom Lover Gifts

Garbage is a collector's item.

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Bed Spread"

Counting dollars

K9 Literati.

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"Baldo, credit cards are a terrible idea! Take it from someone who has 10 of 'em."

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

'Don't be silly, dear. You don't look a day over one hundred eighty three.'

Spiv

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

Can we see our way clear to doing something about air pollution?

"'Meaning'? Hahahahaha..."

Build a better mousetrap and the IRS will beat a path to your door.

'I'm worried that my crippling anxiety is going to shorten my life.'

"My Dad told me not to make the same mistakes he did. That doesn't leave much left!"

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.

'Ignore him - philosophers will do anything to attract attention.'

Exercise and diet at the same time - open and close your refrigerator door 100 times.

Poet and Peasant

Never judge a nose job at face value.

The hardest instrument to play second fiddle.

'Think about this, Kid...If I knew the meaning of life, would I be spending mine, sitting on the top of a mountain?'

"I tried shutting my mouth and opening my mind, but then I remembered it's better to give than to receive."

"I happen."

"Do you realize that they pay our teacher to come to school every day and we do it for free?"