Ironic Wisdom Lover Gifts

"Baldo, credit cards are a terrible idea! Take it from someone who has 10 of 'em."

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"How do you do it, hon? Marriage, kids, civic responsibilities, managing a multi-million dollar business and still finding time to do an 18-month stretch for securities fraud?"

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"It's the dawn of a new era"

"Eat my dust!"

Cactus seats.

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

"Needs to get a life"

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"Looks like a pretty quiet night out there, huh, girl?"

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

'Do worms feel pain? Of course not! As a matter of fact...'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.