Ironic Wisdom Gifts

'It's my hard and fast rule never to have a drink as long as I can see the sun!'

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

Wifi in Hell

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Admit it, we're lost."

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"Now then Mr Parker - are you relaxed?"

Site of new Super Gamblers Anonymous.

"I hope someday someone steals my identity and makes something out of my life."

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

"We were poor and had the good sense to be miserable."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

"Oh, can't complain, but I do."

"Baldo, credit cards are a terrible idea! Take it from someone who has 10 of 'em."

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

"I suppose we could burst onto the literary scene."

'I'm glad you're making friends, Darrel.'

Meet The Ghostwriter

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

'You've cured my insufferable conceit, Doc -- now I'm perfect!'

'Experience is the wonderful knowledge that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.'

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'

"I got the grant! I'm researching whether money can buy happiness."

"So anyway, I found a worm on the path the other day and carried it to safety. Then I hear: 'Hey! I was heading the other way!"