Ironic Thinkers Gifts

"But, in the end, you will become bored with that, too."

"I hate my gym."

"Any luck?" "No, I can't get a wifi signal, either."

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, Al. I might have found that quote useful if not for my deadly fear of hobgoblins.

Summarizing the obvious: The gang, lost in Nowheresville, Utah, was saved by the spirit of Sadie Cohen, warning them how to get to safety. But how, and why? Stow it. Sadie and her spirit couldn't stand the idea of being without us. It would've left her with no one to despise. I feel so needed. My spirit is on lockdown!!!

It is what it is. Settle down! Stop being such a worrywart. What's the worst that could happen? Inactivists.

I don't understand people sometimes --- What's the point of getting a tattoo?

"I guess I'd better drop out now - I've just won the lottery."

'Unless your last name happens to be 'Lemming'.'

'Poor fellow... lost at a game of 'Hangman'.'

'If I'd only known about solitary confinement, I wouldn't have had to wipe out my family to get peace and quiet!'

"I gotta start taking better care of myself, Joe - you got any high-fiber whisky?"

"If your faith is so strong, why did you rush to the E.R. instead of your church?"

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Admit it, we're lost."

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

"Now then Mr Parker - are you relaxed?"

"I hope someday someone steals my identity and makes something out of my life."

"I don't think of it as copying from Danny's paper ... I think of it as utilizing the Freedom of Information Act."

Site of new Super Gamblers Anonymous.

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

"Oh, can't complain, but I do."

"I suppose we could burst onto the literary scene."