Ironic Philosophers Gifts

I agree with you Sadie. It's a total waste. What is? Facebook. It just sucks up your time, with the chatting and the updates and the Scrabble playing. Scrabble? People play on Facebook, or their iPhones, or casual game sites. Total waste. I love Scrabble! Hook baited. Internal conflict!

"Do I need it? Does it spark joy?"

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

"Admit it, we're lost."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

Zenemies.

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

"I hope someday someone steals my identity and makes something out of my life."

"Now then Mr Parker - are you relaxed?"

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

Site of new Super Gamblers Anonymous.

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

"What if it's smarter than us?"

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

"We were poor and had the good sense to be miserable."

"Oh, can't complain, but I do."

Human meat.

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

'I'm glad you're making friends, Darrel.'

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

"I suppose we could burst onto the literary scene."

Meet The Ghostwriter

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'