Humorous Philosophers Gifts

'You know the saying 'He who dies with the most toys wins?' Well, THIS is what you win!'

'All I did was touch the screen here, and it called me a misanthrope.'

Fred served a higher porpoise

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Zenemies.

Optimist

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

"I don't think of it as copying from Danny's paper ... I think of it as utilizing the Freedom of Information Act."

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

"What if it's smarter than us?"

Human meat.

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

Seneca

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

"I've tried Buddhism, Taoism, Transendental meditation, Confucionism, Theolog, Scientgology....but I've found a good hand rolled joint of homegrown works best!"

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

"What's it all about?"

"Mind if I tweak it?"

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

Department de Philosophie

Today's Sermon: Is There Really A Dog?

'No dear, I do not think it's time we homo sapiens apologised to the Neanderthals.'

'There are limits to this seriousness, sir!'

Can we see our way clear to doing something about air pollution?