Ironical Thinkers Gifts

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

What a lovely night breeze!

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"Admit it, we're lost."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

Reverse psychology

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'I'd go back if I were you.'

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Now then Mr Parker - are you relaxed?"

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."