Ironical Thinkers Gifts

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

What a lovely night breeze!

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"Admit it, we're lost."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

Reverse psychology

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

The World's Biggest Book Club

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

'I'd go back if I were you.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'You understand, Yomp, it's not me speaking. It's the corporation!'

Hey boss, it's April 13th. A couple years ago, you said come back April 13, 2015, and we could talk about you giving me a raise. Yes, but that was predicated on the notion that you'd need a raise by now. I see you're still alive. Clearly you haven't starved to death. You smell minty-fresh, so clearly you haven't been forced out onto the streets. Karl Marx said it best: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need." I'm pretty sure that is not what Marx meant.