Ironic Wisdom Pillows

'It's my hard and fast rule never to have a drink as long as I can see the sun!'

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Admit it, we're lost."

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"I hope someday someone steals my identity and makes something out of my life."

"Now then Mr Parker - are you relaxed?"

Site of new Super Gamblers Anonymous.

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"We were poor and had the good sense to be miserable."

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

"Oh, can't complain, but I do."

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

'I'm glad you're making friends, Darrel.'

"Baldo, credit cards are a terrible idea! Take it from someone who has 10 of 'em."

"I suppose we could burst onto the literary scene."

Meet The Ghostwriter

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

'You've cured my insufferable conceit, Doc -- now I'm perfect!'

'Experience is the wonderful knowledge that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.'

"So anyway, I found a worm on the path the other day and carried it to safety. Then I hear: 'Hey! I was heading the other way!"

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'

"I got the grant! I'm researching whether money can buy happiness."