Ironic Wisdom Seeker Gifts

'I'm going to be a lot more decisive from now on. Well... maybe not a lot more, but at least a little more.'

"When life gives you lemons, make a lemon-rind shiv."

"Of all the lazy, lowdown, deadbeat, pathetic losers you've ever met who had the most influence on you?"

"Feel free to take notes."

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'Do you think that's wise?'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

'You must heal yourself.'

Beyond the known and the unknown.

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Man selling 'pearls of wisdom'.

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

'O mighty gods! - May you grant us food, clothing, and shelter, and the wisdom to know the difference.'

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'