Ironic Wisdom Collector Gifts

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Playdough's The Republic

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

"Don't forget to rate us on stable-BnB."

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

'Did you bring any money? - Enlightenment doesn't grow on trees, you know!'

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

"Baldo, credit cards are a terrible idea! Take it from someone who has 10 of 'em."

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'I am a bit concerned about what you meant when you said: LET'S DO LUNCH...'

'My best advice? Never miss an opportunity to pass water...'

Aggression Therapy Seminar

Trending wise.

'Amazing! I thought they were more or less extinct!'

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

'For best results, squeeze from the bottom.'

Liquor is legal, not compulsory.

'I have a B.A. in indifference, an M.A. in obstinacy and I'm currently working on my doctorate in defiance.'

Climate-Conscious Cartoonists Work Without Paper!

'You seem to be suffering a reaction to the amount of medication you're taking. I'll see what I can prescribe for that!'

'Take the advice of an old sea dog, Lad. Never provoke a fight with the phrase, 'You want a piece of me?''

'He really wanted to be cremated. . .'

'As you can see, the place has a certain Cold War Era charm.'

'Before you get any ideas, you're not in my will.'

Tattoo Repo Men

'Sure it's an impressive collection. Too bad they're all overdue library books.'

Technological Advances and the Experience of Age.

'Cake philosophy'

"Of all the lazy, lowdown, deadbeat, pathetic losers you've ever met who had the most influence on you?"

W M. Beemers Adages

Well, you're in luck! Even though you're totally overqualified for the job, that's balanced by all the horrible things your references said about you.