Witty Wisdom Collector Gifts

Life's toughest decision-when to start middle age.

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

The Snarky District

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

'Did you bring any money? - Enlightenment doesn't grow on trees, you know!'

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

'My best advice? Never miss an opportunity to pass water...'

"What does 'inexplicable' mean..?"

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

'I want you to try an alternate cure for your insomnia-start watching daytime television.'

Trending wise.

"Remember, I've got the Dog Catcher on speed dial."

Kebab doner card

Liquor is legal, not compulsory.

'I have a B.A. in indifference, an M.A. in obstinacy and I'm currently working on my doctorate in defiance.'

"You're right. It does look better around your neck."

Garbage is a collector's item.

'My advice is: Don't put all your eggs in one basket.'

"I tried shutting my mouth and opening my mind, but then I remembered it's better to give than to receive."

'Take the advice of an old sea dog, Lad. Never provoke a fight with the phrase, 'You want a piece of me?''

"My advice, don't marry for money. You can borrow it for 3.5%."

"That one I could never sell. It's stolen."

Technological Advances and the Experience of Age.

'Nice try, but I've heard the 'static cling' shoplifting defense before.'

People who love the supine position tend to lie down on the job.

'Cake philosophy'

W M. Beemers Adages

'I believe the saying is 'trust but verify,' not 'trust, but what would mother do'.'

Life begins at forty? - That's when my arthritis kicked in.

The one thing about a queue is it keeps everyone in line.

Doubt makes the mountain that faith can make disappear.