Wit And Wisdom Lover Gifts

"I tried shutting my mouth and opening my mind, but then I remembered it's better to give than to receive."

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Czarcasm

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

Counting dollars

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

Loopholes

K9 Literati.

"You make a great point."

"Baldo, credit cards are a terrible idea! Take it from someone who has 10 of 'em."

Mass Confucian

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

Frank and Ernest's Cerebral Questions. Today's question is would an "elbowhead" be smarter or dumber than a "knucklehead"? (Published originally on October 12, 2015.)

'Don't be silly, dear. You don't look a day over one hundred eighty three.'

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

You're too enamored of wealth, Al. As it says in the Bible, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle that for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Is that a regular Camel, or does it have a filter tip?

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

Why don't we invite Hypothesis? It's always a good idea to have an educated guest… Party List. Mesomides. Loxias. Anaximenes. Thales.

Socrates

Scale indicates the value of books.

'To get ahead in business, you can't lose your head. Pun intended.'

"A pox on your house red."

"'Meaning'? Hahahahaha..."

'Ferguson's not like the rest of us - he's AROUND the hill.'

"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates. Sounds like a man who never had a tax return audited.

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

Mensa Applicants - Please Form an Orderly IQ.

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

He wouldn't be up there is he had just kept his mouth shut.

Poet and Peasant

Yeah, last words are like snappy comeback --- You always think of the best ones after it's too late!