Wit And Wisdom Lover Pillows

"I tried shutting my mouth and opening my mind, but then I remembered it's better to give than to receive."

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Czarcasm

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

Counting dollars

Loopholes

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

K9 Literati.

"Baldo, credit cards are a terrible idea! Take it from someone who has 10 of 'em."

"You make a great point."

Mass Confucian

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

'Don't be silly, dear. You don't look a day over one hundred eighty three.'

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

Socrates

Scale indicates the value of books.

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

"A pox on your house red."

"'Meaning'? Hahahahaha..."

'To get ahead in business, you can't lose your head. Pun intended.'

'Ferguson's not like the rest of us - he's AROUND the hill.'

Mensa Applicants - Please Form an Orderly IQ.

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

Poet and Peasant

Oscar Wilde

"My husband has a thing about double glazing salesmen."