Wit Lover Pillows

Mensa Applicants - Please Form an Orderly IQ.

"I'm 29. I legally changed my name 10 years ago and I thought what the hell."

"You make a great point."

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

Shifting Your Ground

Lime Light

Smoke Screen

Major plumbing problems in the Comedy Central studio basement...

Capital Punishment

"I don't think our friends here give a toss what school we went to!"

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

"To summarize: the visual joke brings on a very fast reaction, but the verbal joke is remembered longer."

'To get ahead in business, you can't lose your head. Pun intended.'

'Your bald head is like Alaska. A great white bear place.'

How many pessimists does it take to light one little candle? Pessimists cannot doe it. Only optimists can light one little candle.

'Ferguson's not like the rest of us - he's AROUND the hill.'

"My husband has a thing about double glazing salesmen."

Will you be my Valentine?

Oscar Wilde

The softer the head the louder the socks.

Yeah, last words are like snappy comeback --- You always think of the best ones after it's too late!

Frank and Ernest's Cerebral Questions. Today's question is would an "elbowhead" be smarter or dumber than a "knucklehead"? (Published originally on October 12, 2015.)

Ernie, what's an eight-letter word for "vicious, biting wit"? "Sharkasm"!

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"A pox on your house red."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

Wordplay: In The Bag.

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

'Time and tide wait for no woman..'