Ironic Wit Lover Pillows

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"I make sure I age my whiskey."

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"How do you do it, hon? Marriage, kids, civic responsibilities, managing a multi-million dollar business and still finding time to do an 18-month stretch for securities fraud?"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Look! No hands!"

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

Cactus seats.

"Needs to get a life"

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"Eat my dust!"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"It's the dawn of a new era"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Looks like a pretty quiet night out there, huh, girl?"

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '