Witty Humor Lover Pillows

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.

"No! I said lesbian chic!"

"I give you a fifty-fifty chance. Pay me up front, and I'll make it sixty-forty."

Ventriloquist dummy begging: 'his lips move...please help'

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

Spiv

"I'm sorry, Warren, but there's just no spark between us."

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

'I can't play today -- Dad grounded me for obstruction of justice.'

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

'I'm coverin' for the wine steward. We got a dandy little red on special, only $24.99 - it comes outta carpeting beautifully.'

'I hope you remembered my mother's flowers for mothers day!'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

Hunter about to fall into a trap set by deer.

'Sales are unheard of here.'

"Well gentlemen, I think it's time we rejoined the ladyboys."

Shoe Fly

"I dread his sarcasm even more."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Look! No hands!"

Crap from the future.

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'Whoooa,MAN,check out this STORM! It's PELTING down!'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"You are still here."

"Oooh, I know what I want to be when I grow up: Retired!"

The Hammer

Public footpath on a desert island.