Witty Humor Admirer Pillows

"I love this time of year."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Would the widdle Venus fly trap like a fly? You'll have to beg for it."

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

A lesson in wit

CX909708

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"It must be near New Year's Day...There are Easter eggs in the shop windows!"

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

Know-it-alls

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

Spiv

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

'How is the cat getting on with your new pet snake?'

"This pizza party tastes a lot like layoffs."

"I guess the German takeover was successful."

"At work, they call me benchmark."

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

Tom Bowler

'With Myrna and I, it was love at first slight.'

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.

'Oh my god!'

Sinister looking man sits near outline of body, with a sign that reads: 'All my own work'.

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

'I never know when you're joking!'