Lover Of Witty Humor Pillows

Society for Asking Stupid Questions

"Phil!"

An elderly gentleman inspecting a sign on a gentleman's back

Dog says to cat: 'I know it's silly but it's true: dogs think all cats are a bit gay.'

'You look lovely today.'

'It's quite nice once your out.'

'So that's why she took the bricklaying class...'

'...and if you'd like to feel you're doing something really daring, I'll tell you how old I am.'

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

"Mr. Jackson, the first rule of being a good salesman is 'never eat your customers before they sign the contract'."

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

"I love this time of year."

'Whoops. There goes one of my prostheses.'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

"Sir? - it's clowntime."

Clown's knee reflex sends doctor through ceiling

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"…And what do you think the cracker might represent?"

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

"I'm suffering from TeaParytyitis."

'You had me at hell.'

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

Wanted: dishwasher or handsome rich guy.

Spiv

"You're not in the gym Gary!"

'How can you stand to listen to dozens of crazy people and stay sane?' - 'Who listens?.'

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

G.K. Chesterton.

'You could have just TOLD me we were out of cups!'

'Pavlov's first experiment'