Lover Of Witty Nature Pillows

Salmon swimming up-stream, "Don't you get tired of overcoming obstacles"

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

"I love this time of year."

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

"Just the steak for me and my friend will have the carbon dioxide and the water with the sunlight."

Cold caller.

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Gilmore Girls

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

'Good, lots of waxy buildup.'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

Spiv

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

G.K. Chesterton.

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

"It's a book about how to ask for a raise, '50 shades of Pay'."

"What keeps me going? The tightening feeling in my chest that if I stop, I'll die."

Home Business - Wife.

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.

Closed for Summer.

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''