Lover Of Witty Jokes Pillows

"I don't know about turning, but I was tossing all night."

"I love this time of year."

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

'Right, now learn this trick...'

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

'Well, so far the only ones to answer our fondue party invitation are the rats in our basement.'

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

'I've written you a song' - 'Oh, that's very kind of you. What's it called?' - 'It's called 'I'll stay with you forever baby.'' - 'How sweet. Let me hear it...' - 'Ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai,

'I told him that's where we keep the keys to his ride.'

'You had me at hell.'

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

Making sure the pitcher is up for the job.

Spiv

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

"It's a book about how to ask for a raise, '50 shades of Pay'."

Home Business - Wife.

'You could have just TOLD me we were out of cups!'

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

'Pavlov's first experiment'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

'Oh yeah, I forgot.'

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.

Salmon swimming up-stream, "Don't you get tired of overcoming obstacles"

Meeting Melanie's parents suddenly turns awkward.

'You look lovely today.'

Dentist preparing woodwork drill for dentistry.

New Shoes.

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."