Lover Of Witty Jokes T-Shirts

"I don't know about turning, but I was tossing all night."

'Mint?! These taste like cardboard!'

To paraphrase Humphrey Bogart in "Casablanca," "Of all the comic strips in all the newspapers in all the world, you walk into mine." ? ? ?

"I love this time of year."

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

'Right, now learn this trick...'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

Spiv

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

'Well, so far the only ones to answer our fondue party invitation are the rats in our basement.'

'You had me at hell.'

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

Making sure the pitcher is up for the job.

'I've written you a song' - 'Oh, that's very kind of you. What's it called?' - 'It's called 'I'll stay with you forever baby.'' - 'How sweet. Let me hear it...' - 'Ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai,

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

'I told him that's where we keep the keys to his ride.'

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

'Oh yeah, I forgot.'

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

"It's a book about how to ask for a raise, '50 shades of Pay'."

'You could have just TOLD me we were out of cups!'

Home Business - Wife.

'Pavlov's first experiment'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.

Meeting Melanie's parents suddenly turns awkward.

Salmon swimming up-stream, "Don't you get tired of overcoming obstacles"

Dentist preparing woodwork drill for dentistry.

"It's not as good a deal as it sounds - it's based on THEIR lifetime."

"You're definitely going to need an extraction."