Lover Of Witty Banter T-Shirts

"You're ink blot test results indicate you're a very competitive person...."

"The man I dated wasn't honest with me. He told me he earns six figures. He never told me that includes the decimal."

Kiss My A**/Wipe Your Feet!

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

"How about if I was the last guy on the planet!?"

'. . . How long have you been on to me?'

Home Business - Wife.

"No offense..."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"I'll have a man overboard!"

"I love this time of year."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

A lesson in wit

Cold caller.

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Gilmore Girls

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

Know-it-alls

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

"At work, they call me benchmark."

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

If I may paraphrase an old saying, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to urinate like racehorses." ! !