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Clancy: The Treatment I Deserve

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'A cheeky red?'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"I'll have a man overboard!"

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

Cold caller.

A lesson in wit

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

Would you like something from the bar, miss? It looks like you might need it.

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Gilmore Girls

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

Know-it-alls

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

"At work, they call me benchmark."

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

If I may paraphrase an old saying, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to urinate like racehorses." ! !

'With Myrna and I, it was love at first slight.'