Fan Of Witty Dialogue T-Shirts

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"Touché"

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'Mom can I have another apple?'

A lesson in wit

Cops' Right to Beat You in Private Shall Not Be Infringed

The Gilmore Girls

Cold caller.

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

"It's a book about how to ask for a raise, '50 shades of Pay'."

"Just once, can we not talk about politics."

"Kids today are so blasé. Her first word was 'meh' instead of mommy."

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

"At work, they call me benchmark."

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

Home Business - Wife.

Salmon swimming up-stream, "Don't you get tired of overcoming obstacles"

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

Cylinder Head

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

'You look lovely today.'

"I don't know about turning, but I was tossing all night."

Your honor, would you please instruct the witness to stop texting on his cell phone during my cross-examination? I would, but I'm the person he's texting.