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You are here. The Narcissist's Directory.

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

Do you believe in money at first sight?

People want as much government as they deserve.

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

"It's a book about how to ask for a raise, '50 shades of Pay'."

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

The first step is losing the illusion that you're in control of your actions.

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

Home Business - Wife.

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

'Never mind dear, at least you cut him with your razor sharp wit.'

'You look lovely today.'

"Thanks, but no thanks -- Valentines just lead to the hard stuff."

If you had awful, disgusting fish-breath, would you want someone to tell you? Nice try, amateur. But you're talking to the woman who wrote "The Art Of The Insult." It was a best-seller in 1941. You just quoted chapter 48, paragraph 7: "The Plausibly Deniable IF-sult." Yeah. Right, you made that up. Nice try. Chapter 42: "Sarcastic Dismiss-sult."

'Without a pay raise, it's impossible to attract good people to government -- why, just look at me!'

'I think I've solved my drinking problem.'

"I used to have a good head for business. Then I went and got married."

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

GPs press for sick note reform

'I'm just reaching my sexual innuendo peak.'

Superiority of Cats.

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."