Witty Banter Aficionado T-Shirts

"How about I give you a black eye?"

I don't like lemming philosophers --- They're so fatalistic.

Has anyone ever told you you have a rather dark personality?

Your honor, would you please instruct the witness to stop texting on his cell phone during my cross-examination? I would, but I'm the person he's texting.

"O.K., O.K. ... I'd lay with Peter betroth Paul and smite Luke."

A lesson in wit

As you like it - the life and soul of the party

"No you back off! My load is so toxic it's eaten my reverse gear!"

'You watch, I'm going to call him some right names this round!'

'Is that Nat with a G?'

'You've had enough to drink when you feel sophisticated and can't pronounce it.'

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

'Haven't I seen you some place before?... Yes that's why I don't go there any more!'

"Looks like a build-up of inferior grade small talk is clogging your word balloon."

"At work, they call me benchmark."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'A cheeky red?'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Touché"

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

The Thinker. The Listener

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."