Parental Wisdom Seeker Gifts

"I don't have a story, Tommy. I can offer a retrospective of your day, followed by a deep-dive to identify opportunities for improvement."

"Baldo, school has always been about learning, expanding your mind, becoming a better person."

"Don't make me come over there."

$200,000 to raise a kid in America! Do you regret the expense? Of course not, sweetie! You're worth every cent. That's a relief. Because I need $20 for the movies!

"You'd be a stronger parent if you got more sleep."

'Everybody needs two parents so they can get second opinions.'

'People must be crazy to pay to hear a lecture! I get 'em free at home every day!'

Suggesting voluntary efforts on global warming....

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

'He never listened to his mother!'

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'Except...That.'

'Don't come crying to me, son. I told you you'd turn into a lobster if you stayed out in the sun all day.'

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

Son, it's time you grew some legs and moved out.

"Your inability to turn off your critical voice, combined with your fear of disappointing your overbearing, demanding father, is causing you to lose faith in your fastball."

'My mom just explained babies to me. I'm not sure, but I think I'm a bird and you're a bee.'

Two words, my friend...Yak dung.

"His room is always clean. Do you think we should take him to a psychologist?"

"Go ask your mother."

"If it's important to you, Jessica. It's important to daddy, but I don't think it's important to you."

'Said once, and never again!'

One final question: How do i get down from here without breaking a leg?

"Sorry, son. . . You're not getting the keys to the car until you show me you're mature enough to bring it back completely totaled."

"And I suppose if your friends all jumped off a cliff you'd follow right along?"

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

'Have ideals, fine - bit never let them cloud your business judgement.'

'Your phone isn't wireless, Dad. I found some wires in it right here.'

I should have listened to my Mum: 'Never sit down during the hunting season...'

'It's a little read book... the sayings of charwoman mum.'