Grandparent Wisdom Seeker Gifts

'Not only am I over the hill, I think I picked the wrong slope.'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

'The idea is to go where no man my age has gone before. I want to be the 'John Glenn' of Salsa.'

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

'What did you do in the great whale war, grandad....'

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

The Ageing Process.

"Always give a good, firm handshake...then immediately sanitize your hands."

'I seriously doubt if you've attained Nirvana yet - You've only been fasting and meditating for fifteen minutes.'

'Don't come crying to me, son. I told you you'd turn into a lobster if you stayed out in the sun all day.'

'Except...That.'

'Grandpa says that, in his day, he had to walk 20 miles in the snow just to steal music.'

'There's got to be more to the Eightfold Path than 'don't worry, be happy.''

"When I was young, we used bottles, rocks and toothpicks for our school science projects."

Young MacDonald

Two words, my friend...Yak dung.

"Go ask your mother."

"Grandpa, tell us again about the old days when people voted for somebody instead of against somebody."

One final question: How do i get down from here without breaking a leg?

I like having an older doctor. He understands my ailments and has most of em!

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."

"If it's important to you, Jessica. It's important to daddy, but I don't think it's important to you."

"Don't make me come over there."

"Winners don't leave Yelp reviews."

'Maybe you just weren't cut out for enlightenment.'

'Have ideals, fine - bit never let them cloud your business judgement.'

'It's a little read book... the sayings of charwoman mum.'

$200,000 to raise a kid in America! Do you regret the expense? Of course not, sweetie! You're worth every cent. That's a relief. Because I need $20 for the movies!

"It's arthritis. Probably caused from clinging to life."

"I don't have a story, Tommy. I can offer a retrospective of your day, followed by a deep-dive to identify opportunities for improvement."

'Moonbeam just had a hippie replacement.'

"The meaning of life? Didn't you see the FAQ on my website?"