Parenting Guide Lover Gifts

Parents for dummies.

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

'What's play?'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"Is there a vegan option?"

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

I love my family!

Growth Charts

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

Six-tier Communal Cradle.

'You the one who called Amnesty International?'

Playing Mozart to the baby.

"Migration? I love chasing the endless summer, but travelling such distances with kids is exhausting..."

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Early childhood development

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

Crying baby

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

"You're developing a nice, rich compost down here."

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

The AdRams Family no.13 - Exams

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

Parent Involvement Tip #1

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'The best way to teach my son is by example, you know: Monkey see, monkey do...'