Parenting Tales Lover Gifts

'You'd think you guys never saw a baby before!'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

I love my family!

Growth Charts

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Crying baby

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

Early childhood development

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

Lemming mothers

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

Mom dwarves.

7 Dwarves of Fatherhood

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

"My first Father's day!"

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

Honey, I'm home. Did you change Kyle's diaper?

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'