Parenthood Tales Gifts

She'll only eat it if I cut off the crust.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Low-Energy Drinks

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

'We found you in a cabbage!'

Growth Charts

Baby Screen Time

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"We have the exact same taste."

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"I noticed that since I've been working at home you've been paying me hazard pay. How did you know?"

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

Young Gums

A postwoman delivers mail together with her baby who is riding in the letter carrier.

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

'There's a planet in my book with two moons! Imagine how much howling we could do there!'

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

"Back when we got him, Rufus was a child substitute. Now he's just a dog."

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."