Parenthood Adventures Gifts

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

Please take a number.

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I'll never watch Alien again!!

"Stop complaining -- you'll grow into it."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'Hey Kiddo, I think we'll have to stop to change your nappy...'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

"Bless, Poppy's first tweet!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

'This is not fair, mom. . . none of my friends is forced to hibernate before December.'

'How many fingers do you see?'

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

'He's more supportive after his nap.'

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

Woman Window Shops For A Baby Book

"I'm turning into my mother, and it's awesome!"

"Oh well, if you really want to see some scary chest thumping, come with me now and I'll show my school report to my dad..."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

'We've never had an accident - aside from three of our five kids.'

Mountain Dads

"Why are you special? Because I'm your mommy, and I'm special."

They Removed my Brain.

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

Maternity Arrivals

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

The relay race