Navigating Parenthood Gifts

"How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good."

"We really can't go to the ER right now."

"Baldo! Pick him up!"

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

'This is not fair, mom. . . none of my friends is forced to hibernate before December.'

"Bless, Poppy's first tweet!"

'He's more supportive after his nap.'

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

Biological Alarm Clock.

"Oh well, if you really want to see some scary chest thumping, come with me now and I'll show my school report to my dad..."

"I'm turning into my mother, and it's awesome!"

"You need to stop pressing the snooze button on your biological clock."

They Removed my Brain.

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"Why are you special? Because I'm your mommy, and I'm special."

Please take a number.

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

The relay race

Three Parent Baby

Mountain Dads

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

'I know how you like things to be clean, so I gave fishy a bath!"

"I lost the spelling bee on the word 'gangsta.' "

'Are you trying to tell me that neither of you get penalty rates for the 2 a.m feed?'

"My mom used to be an excellent housekeeper, but I put a stop to that."

"Your baby is fine, but we're keeping her overnight as a precaution. Here's a loaner."

'Your biological clock is on daylight savings.'

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding