Adjusting To Parenthood Gifts

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

"There is no 'snooze button'. Get up, it's your turn to see to the baby!"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

A midwife holding a baby

"She's been so creative lately."

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

Low-Energy Drinks

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

Knight feeding his kids.

Rocking horse

'What's play?'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

Trombone emerges from pram. Mother says: 'I'm a firm believer in starting them young.'

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"When did she start crawling?"

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

A woman with a dog and a baby on a leash

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'and on the Kids' Menu, we have Cranky Pants French Toast...'