Reflecting On Parenthood Gifts

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Low-Energy Drinks

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

'We found you in a cabbage!'

Growth Charts

"Were we expecting a baby?"

Baby Screen Time

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"We have the exact same taste."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

Polly, want a cracker, but Polly need a glass of wine.

Young Gums

A postwoman delivers mail together with her baby who is riding in the letter carrier.

'There's a planet in my book with two moons! Imagine how much howling we could do there!'

"I noticed that since I've been working at home you've been paying me hazard pay. How did you know?"

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."