Parenting Ponderings Gifts

"I've just realized that the nagging little voice inside her head that she'll hear for the rest of her life is mine."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

Growth Charts

Men explained.

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Crying baby

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"Oh well, if you really want to see some scary chest thumping, come with me now and I'll show my school report to my dad..."

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"My first Father's day!"

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"Ouch. . . Aaaargh!!. . . Stop it!. . . "

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

They Removed my Brain.

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

Husband and Child in Pram

Dad waiting for baby to be born.

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

Parenting magazines.

Mother: 'He has your eyes.'

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'