Parenting Ponderers Gifts

'Where did we go wrong...?'

"What's it like to be the parent of a nonhuman?"

"We think he needs more individual neglect."

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

"When I was growing up, my parents only ever gave me two choices for everything I did: The carrot or the stick..."

"I don't think our Kevin watches porn."

"My education was a nightmare! Bullying, time-outs, bickery and tipsy-teachers!"

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

'Mom says she has a souffl

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

'Daddy! There's a Politician in my closet!'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'It's not that I don't want more kids Victoria, I'm worried I won't have enough skin for their names.'

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'Well, great! I raise you to be a vicious bird of prey, and you wanna be a songbird!'

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'My kids don't understand me.'

Children.