Modern Parenting Ponderer Gifts

"Father would be much happier if you wouldn't."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

Three Parent Baby

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

'My kids don't understand me.'

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

"I had a lot more freedom before mom got the drone."

'He was raised by sparrows!'

"I was hoping her first sentence would be, 'I love you, mommy.' Not, 'what's the Wi-Fi password?'"

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

"What's it like to be the parent of a nonhuman?"

'Looks like Timmy got solitary.'

'This pacifier looks like a cell phone to make the inevitable transition that much easier.'

Baby Philosophy.

Ingredients: me

"And we're just so proud you're walking to school alone. Aren't we, Harold?"

'It used to be enough to keep them fed and clothed. Now it's fed, clothed and connected.'

"The trouble with children is they don't act like adults."

"When I was growing up, my parents only ever gave me two choices for everything I did: The carrot or the stick..."

"Just tell Daddy who hit you, and I will march upstairs and ask Mommy how to handle this!"

'She can't answer when I call, but she loves the ring tone.'