Modern Family Ponderer Gifts

Paternal presence

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"Now that was post-modern sex."

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

Truth

Three Parent Baby

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'My kids don't understand me.'

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

"Don't take it personally, Dad, but if I need advice, I'll ask my phone...it's a lot smarter than you are!"

Are we going to raise her as a cat person or a dog person?

Bowther, Wilkin, Lynch & Fisk

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'

'He was raised by sparrows!'

You've got to help me, Em. Sure. My mom's hot on this strict, Chinese-style parenting. Welcome to my world. Tell her that your parents aren't pushing you to be a doctor. Sure. They gave up on that. They'll settle for Harvard law school. That's too much information.

"It's amazing how much he's like one of his dads."

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

'Looks like Timmy got solitary.'

'If we're seedless watermelons, where did I come from?'

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

'You're never going to follow me in my trade, Son - you may as well go to university.'

Ingredients: me

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

"Yes, we're very fortunate to be blessed with one of each."

Baby Philosophy.

"Remember when we used to flock together, instead of just tweeting all day on line?"

"The trouble with children is they don't act like adults."

Bachelors talking about fashionable life versus marriage

"It's not nepotism if I'm the best son for the job."

Officer Worker Evolution

"Did I just butt-dial my booty call?"