Modern Times Ponderer Gifts

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

"Engraving is $25 per character......thirty plus characters, and the Emoji is free."

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Have you been playing dice?"

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

Sauce for the Goose

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

"Now that was post-modern sex."

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

Afraid of change - leave it here.

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

'Why am I the one always getting kicked?'

'...and that is my philosophy.'

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

I think my work ethic needs some work. Not to mention some ethics.

"Now, my brave little soldier, do you have everything...an apple for your teacher, your satchel, pencils and books - your existential misery??"

'If you're omnipresent, why do I always have to climb way up here?'

If a dog barks in the forest, and no one hears him, does he make a sound?

Le Penseur (D' Apres Rodin)

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."

"I think it's wrong to hunt them when they're in a house of worship."

CCTV in church.