Family Ponderer Gifts

Bachelors talking about fashionable life versus marriage

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

'Mom says she has a souffl

The meaning of life is to avoid falling rocks

"Death coach..."

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

Baxter finally gets a life

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'Confusionism'

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

"In a former life, I was exactly the same."

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'Well, great! I raise you to be a vicious bird of prey, and you wanna be a songbird!'

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

"Last time I saw you, you were just a baby."

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."