Modern Parenthood Ponderer Gifts

"I have to take him to his class for things kids used to learn on their own."

Three Parent Baby

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

'Mom says she has a souffl

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

"I'm turning into my mother, and it's awesome!"

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'It's not that I don't want more kids Victoria, I'm worried I won't have enough skin for their names.'

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'Well, great! I raise you to be a vicious bird of prey, and you wanna be a songbird!'

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'My kids don't understand me.'

Children.

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

"I was hoping you'd have outgrown that by now."

Are we going to raise her as a cat person or a dog person?